Look, I'm cool now
I was never a cool person. I was always second best or runner up. Always the best friend of the cool girl, never the actual cool girl. Always a little bit too dorky, a little bit too skinny/then pudgy, not quite pretty enough and definitely no boobs to speak of ever. THIS IS NOT A QUEST FOR PITY - although pity is welcomed haha. IT's just the facts.
I gave myself homework assignments on family vacation and skipped class in high school... to write psychological thrillers in the library upstairs.
I was very smart at things I cared about but very stubborn in not caring about the other things.
Today I heard Brittney Spears on the radio and memories flooded back to me of her release of Hit My Baby, One More Time (worst name for a song since MMM MMM MMM MMM ps) and how old I was at time (15) and frighteningly how old my boyfriend was at the time (ten). AT THE TIME OF RELEASE DAVE WAS TEN. I was not dating a ten year old at 15 - to clarify.
I was a student at a performing arts school in Sydney. A terrible student. I am a triple threat in that my dancing ability is terrifying, unpredictable and dangerous. In drama class I preferred to write the play/show for my classmates to perform rather than actually perform it myself. I was the hilarious Tina Fey of the group, should she never have actually been secretly super good at acting and now killing it as an actor. I would skip ballet to get McDonalds (because my body was a temple) and hang out in the park in Newtown.
I was not cool.
The coolest of girls.
In both my dancing classes and at school there were VERY cool girls. Much cooler than I. They literally DID "wake up like this" because it was the 90's and no-one had Instagram filters or puppies ears yet. They were skinny and pretty and DID not eat McDonalds and DID go to ballet class. They wore scrunchies ironically and knew the songs from RENT.
I was more of a do-the-best-you-can-but-settle-for-second-row kinda gal.
How you knew a girl was cool in the 90s:
- She had Bloch dance wear and first hand jazz shoes
- She could easily pull off Liv Tyler's Empire Records outfit for a fancy dress party
- She had hair that was naturally straight and she'd never dyed it because much cooler than us
- Definitely had at least one choker necklace
- Knew how to drink bottled wine
- Listened to the Fugees and understood their political stance
- Drank diet coke (I have NO IDEA how this became the pinnacle of cool girl chic but WELL DONE COKE)
- Went to "gigs"
Reasons I was not:
- Unfortunate Natalie Imbruglia replica hairstyle on someone that bore no resemblance to Natalie Imbruglia. In fact - I'm SO UNCOOL I freaking told Natalie Imbruglia that story ten years later for WHAT REASON?! Did she care? All the nopes.
- Unknown information on the correct way to style eyebrows (Literally until last year)
- Thinking blue was still a viable eyeshadow option
- somehow trying to make shoelaces as a belt a thing
- The Mcdonalds as a lunch option deal from before
The full license.
When you have your P plates, you get to a certain age and you just kinda... get your licence. Everyone evens out and they kinda just go "yeah, alright. You old. You can drive now"
THE SAME THING HAPPNES WITH COOLNESS YOU GUYS.
Eventually, you get old, you finish school and you all just become equal people. There's no more cool. The people you were so intimidated by before are just Sally in accounts or Sarah at the bank. There's no coolness as an adult unless you're an insane poet or a musician so the rest of us are just whatever.
Things that are cool as an old person.
As a 34-year-old human women this is now what I find cool:
- People who own homes (how'd you even do that you wizard?! Home in Sydney are 70 million galleons)
- Rock musicians form the 70s who still sound awesome
- John Mayer
It's now so foreign to me the days and nights I wasted stressing about which outfit to wear to mufti day (MUFTI DAYS SHOULD NOT EXIST THEY ARE A CESSPOOL OF BULLYING) or which Bacardi Breezer would be the one my friends think is least lame.
I thought it'd be cooler.
Some things I though would be cool that actually aren't now I'm old include
- Staying up late
- Sleeping all day
- Having poor eyesight
- Eating cooking for breakfast
- No more education
- Working from home
- Being hungover
So my cry to all of you currently not feeling cool enough is - just wait. Be real, be original, be the crazy nerd you are and eventually everyone will get older and Willow will just be Willow from Tuesday night's pilates class.